I have a fond memory of football practice in the 8^th grade.  Funny you’d have to have played football to appreciate this, but football is one sport that the practices always suck.  You struggle all week just so that you get to play in the game.  Game time is pure fun.  Anyway this practice started off in a drizzling rain, and as the practice progressed the rain became more intense and we were all soaked.  This was back in the 80’s when our equipment wasn’t so good, but the fact that most of it was a hand-me-down made it worse.  As the practiced ended we all huddled around the coach anxiously awaiting the instructions, as usual we all kneeled down on one knee so that he could see everyone and it also offered a little bit of relief or rest.  Kneeling waiting, being soaking wet the coach begins to speak... all of the sudden the sprinklers kick on.  No one moves we all just sit there as the coach finished his speech.  I do remember the coach laughing as if to say, “What does it matter at this point”. 



New Year ’s Day I receive a text from my wife’s first partner in adultery (Monty).  Not even sure how he has my number.  Regardless he thought it was a good time to let me know that he was sorry and that he was going to take responsibility for what he did.  Not sure how you do that?  Can he give me back those nights of not knowing where my wife was?  Can he give me money for the plane tickets that my wife bought for him, so that he could travel with her on her business trips?  Maybe repay my family for the car payments my wife made on his behalf?   Can he doing anything for the horrible feelings of insecurity that my children have the night that their mother told them she was going to blockbuster and never came home?  I’m not a physiologist, but can’t help but think that it must be his way of trying to stay relevant.  I guess he figured since he hadn’t heard from Nona (my wife) in a while that getting me stirred up would force her to contact him.  Nona’s address, telephone had changed and I speculate that she was trying to leave him in the past.  It has been a month since his text and I have not responded.  What do you say to someone so selfish?  “I hope you get nut cancer, and If we ever cross paths I will most likely beat you till you wanna die.”  Human nature is strange, Therapist number three talked often about enmeshment.  She would explain that when we grow up in dysfunctional or abusive environments that sometimes we cause dysfunction or enmeshment in our relationships so that we can feel a familiar feeling, it is like we fight so that you can make up.  It is messed up.  I think Monty has that issue, and perhaps it is how his relationship with Nona existed. The further a way I get from the text the better I feel.  At this point what does it matter.

My internal dialogue asks, "I know I am to forgive everyone, and I suppose I am on that track.  Is it too much to ask to be left alone?"  I don't want anything from this guy, I want to forget about him and his selfishness.